“…that our lives had become unmanageable.” This second part of our First Step was the subject of today’s meeting. Nice. A wake up call.
The first part of that Step was my total surrender of my alcoholism to my Higher Power. A definite total giving of myself. Or, as it was pointed out to me later on, a one hundred percent surrender. But the second part? The unmanageable life I had been living was not able for me to surrender, because I was so confused. And later on, I found that it would be with me for the rest of my life.
I mean I started to become willing to do something about this, but had no realization of the size of this part of my life, which had developed within me during my drinking. Yet, like I said, I really had no idea of this. It was my sponsor and those old timers in here, who woke me up and got me to try to get all of this out into the open. And just like the program states, “Time takes time”. This still takes time after much time already.
All of this began with them introducing me to a spiritual way of life. Putting these Steps into action. Getting not just the “life”, but also a concept of a God of my understanding. And then becoming willing to turn my will and my life over to this Power. None of this was an overnight event. Like I said, time takes time.
It took me a long time to get an understanding of what was going on with me. And I still know that I only know what I know right now. I do know that there is more to be discovered. And, like my sponsor and some of those old timers told me, I will find myself stumbling, tumbling, and bumbling along the way in here. I was told to be able to pick myself up, and dust myself off, when this happens. To be willing to start my day over and, with my Higher Power/s help, and some of that from those around me, I can get a positive attitude and move on.
Anyway I know that my life has improved, despite all of this. I have found peace and happiness. I have also been able to turn much of what I have found from the life I had led over to my Higher Power and been restored to sanity, as well. Also I know that I have had a spiritual awakening. And I am grateful for all of this and more I have been given.