Fear of change came up today. What is that? It made me think of fear in general and how that affects our sober living and our sobriety in general.
In the BB it talks about a hundred forms of fear and that we will probably never really be rid of fear. Over time, I know that a lot of what scared me has fallen by the wayside. I’m ever so grateful for the power, which has come as the result of applying these 12 Steps to my life. Especially since I was introduced to the concept of a higher power in my life.
Probably the greatest fear I had, that of taking another drink, has been relieved. I still know it’s waiting for me, because I’m aware that I’m still an alcoholic and am still powerless over alcohol. I know that the seed of that alcoholic insanity is always there deep down within in my being. But, as the result of the spiritual process of this program, I have been placed in a position of neutrality by the grace of God.
However, that was just one of the fears I’ve had to face. There have been many more. Some have gone away in time and as a result of this process. But there are the occasional fears, which come unbidden to my mind. These are the ones, which distract me from my primary purpose. And I know just how obsessive they can become.
Having to move was always one of the changes, which always brought up an all encompassing fear. Changes in employment or finances were others. Fear always reared its ugly head on a lot of these. Even fears of the changes I was about to face, when working these Steps in my life caused me fear, because I was afraid of what I would become as a result of doing them.
There’s always something in the anticipation of having to make a change. But it’s in dealing with these fears which is the challenge. Just trying to ignore them or brush them aside isn’t always the answer. When I had to deal with that old bugaboo, fear of people, though the promises have taken care of that for the most part, there is always the occasional blip on the radar screen. If I try to drop this kind of fear, it evolves into some sort of anger or resentment. And that certainly isn’t something I can afford to live with. Not being an alcoholic.
In the end, I have found that I have to put my pride aside and to talk to my friends and eventually God in prayer about these. Usually I find in just the talking that my fears melt away. It’s the process of ego deflation in depth, which seems to have the most to do with bringing me the relief I seek. It’s learning to humble myself by seeking help from others. Learning to listen to others and relying on their wisdom, which I had forgotten in the onset of the fear.
Just by seeking the peace and serenity, which I have found in this program and understanding the source of this peace comes from the God of my understanding, is the real answer. That’s how I know I can stay sober, keep in emotional balance, and live to good purpose.
Anyway I was thinking about this today.