I was thinking about where I would be, if there was no program. I asked myself, what if there was no AA. Would I even be alive? Certainly, if I was, I would probably be dead drunk. Probably in a jail, or worse. Dead and in the grave, after a life of misery and insanity.
That brought me to think how amazing it is that I do, we do, have AA here today. It amazes me because I know how I am, or was. I know so many, who have told me how they were, before they came here. Self centered to the extreme. Selfish beyond belief. Wanting to do things my own way. Not being a joiner. Never wanting to belong. Always breaking the rules of society, when I could get away with it. And drinking so much that I had lost all my principles and values, which I had grown up with before I drank.
And then I found this wonderful program. It truly changed me. But I know that deep down, underneath the surface, there is always the potential for the old me to reemerge and take over. I get bits and pieces coming to the surface everyday. That ego of mine wanting attention or trying to be covert and hidden, so that I can subtly gain what I want. Fear, anxiety, anger; the whole works. Just push a button and the old me reappears, if I’m not paying attention to these principles which keep me sober.
The reason I’m saying all this is that it brought to mind what is keeping us sober; our common welfare. Us. We. AA. What if we all were to rebel at the same time? Got into conflict with one another over what we all want individually? Lost our tempers and argued endlessly over how things should or shouldn’t be? After all, we still have our egos and aren’t that far away from where we came from. AA could crash an burn in no time.
I know I have my own wants and desires. My mind can close in a flash to others. I can stop being willing in no time. What is it that saves me and others from themselves? And the answer is obvious wherever and whenever I go to a meeting. It’s the Traditions. Especially the 1st Tradition, reminding me that our common welfare comes first. Reminding me that I have to put aside my own wants for the good of the whole. That the virtue of humility has to take precedent of “me” and to put emphasis on the “we” of this program.
Thank God for Bill and Dr. Bob and the old timers, who had the foresight and the wisdom to come up with a set of principles by which we all can live together in harmony; the 12 Traditions, which saves AA from us. From me. A set of guidelines, which helps someone like me to be able to put my self will aside for the good of the whole, so that AA can continue to help people like me to survive and stay sober one more day.
I was thinking about this today and how grateful I am that the program was here for me, when I came in. That it was here for all of us and still is. It is only by the grace of God, at least as I understand him, and the old timers, who saw the Traditions as the way to preserve what we all have been given so freely.