Driving through Solvay, NY today, we crossed Hazzard St., which reminded me of the young man in the BB, who was treated by Dr. Jung. That was his family name, and this is where he once lived. But that’s not what I was thinking about.
What I was thinking about was Carl Jung’s letter to Bill W., just before the good doctor died. “Spiritus contra spiritum,” was contained in that letter. The word “spiritus” is the Latin word for both alcohol and the spirit within all of us. The meaning of that quote is alcohol against the spirit. The literal translation. Meaning alcohol attacks not only the body and mind of the alcoholic, but his soul, his psyche, his spirit. In a sense my own spirit was at war with itself.
When I came here, it was the first time I learned that what was wrong with me was that I had a disease. After talking to several physicians I worked with and reading the Doctor’s Opinion, I came to understand what that was and I had it in spades. It was then I learned that this was a threefold disease: physical, mental, and spiritual in nature.
That was kind of overwhelming. How the hell was I to deal with something like that? And that’s when I was presented with Chapter We Agnostics. And then the offer of the two alternatives, either choose to live a spiritual life or die an alcoholic death. Heavy stuff. Of course I didn’t ever want to drink again, so the choice was made for me. The spiritual way of life.
That’s when I began to learn about applying the 12 Steps to my life. I was told it would progressively begin to address all three of these life problems I was faced with. And, indeed it has. I’m sober and alive today because of these Steps and am eternally grateful to my higher power and the program for this.
The Steps changed everything in my life. It obviously changed me physically, because I was near death’s door. I always believe that I should have been dead at 42. Yet many years later I’m still here. Not because of anything special that I have done with my life, but I believe by the grace of God and this program.
Yet, part of why I am still here is that the Steps changed my mind. I got a new attitude on life, a new outlook, a positive attitude toward life. My motivations changed along with that. I became open and willing to not only live in the community of AA, but in all my relatioships. My mind became open to the possibilities I had forgotten in my drinking. Mainly that of being of service to my fellow man. A goal I once had and lost.
But, most of all, what started me on this journey was the 2nd Step. That was the key. The beginning of the solution. It introduced me to a concept I had little familiarity with; humility.
Becoming willing to surrender myself to a power greater than myself and depend on this higher power. I learned what I already knew. I had no power. That alone began to make me aware of the nature of the spiritual side of this disease. What had made me so spiritually sick wasn’t just the alcohol, it was me and all my faults. But mainly my selfishness and my self centeredness. My sickness was that it was all about me. Now I was beginning to learn how to become God centered.
Whenever I find myself wandering back into me again, I find that my contact with others in this program helps to drag me back and remind me of what’s important. That’s the continued practice of the spritual principles of the Steps in my daily life. My very life and my sobriety is dependent on treating this threefold disease called Alcoholism.