There are times, when I find myself going through a streak of intolerance. I was that way today. It made me very uncomfortable. I was, as the 10th Step says, disturbed.
Of course I knew exactly what was disturbing me. It was me. I was in my own way and let others irritate me as the result. I was looking for an argument. Of course I found a couple of them, but only focused on one of them. Will I ever learn?
I know the “cure” for this is talking to another alcoholic. And I did.
But now is the time, after that talk to sit down and take an inventory. This is a program of action. Inaction can lead to more difficulties. Or trouble, as the BB tells me.
A quick scan told me that I had ignored some of the warning signs about a week ago. It all began, when I was developing a resentment and sluffed it off as nothing special. I have to remember that a resentment is a resentment and nothing to play around with. Just recognizing it is the beginning of the end of it.
I have to remember that the BB tells me that resentments are the number one offender. It has killed more alcoholics than anything else. I well remember one man, who held a long term resentment. He drank again, because of it, and died as a result of that drink.
How much the 2nd Step is there to open me up to the solution to this kind of problem. Surrendering to that and remembering that I’m not in charge. First I have to stop playing “god” and recalling that I have a new manager. He’s in charge and, like a friend of mine always is saying, I have to take a seat in the back of the bus and leave the driving to Him.
It reminds me of what Sam Shoemaker, AA’s old friend and advocate, said about getting on the train. He said we can stand around in the station talking about the trip we’re going to take, but it isn’t until we board the train and sit back and watch the scenery go by that we are ready to work this program.
Anyway, I was thinking about the solution. I’m willing and grateful that I have one.