Another new man showed up at the meeting today. His first meeting. Everyone in the meeting introduced themselves as alcoholics and pretty much introduced the man to what he could expect from AA.
As I listened, my mind went to what we were doing there. I thought, we are alcoholics, but that’s not what the 1st Steps says. It says we are powerless over alcohol. And my thoughts went to being powerless.
Powerless to me means not being able to put the drink down. Not being able to leave the barroom because I had to drink. Drinking when I didn’t want to drink, but drinking anyway. Drinking against my will. Thinking about a drink my every waking moment. Drinking compulsively and craving the drink. Drinking past obligations and responsibilities. Drinking my way in and out of jobs. I just couldn’t stop drinking.
I thought about the miracle that took place, when I had my last drink. When the obsession, the compulsion, and the craving were lifted from me. Freedom from alcohol after all those years. Coming to this program and being introduced to the 12 Steps of AA and undergoing a change in personality. Getting a brand new perspective on life. A change in attitudes. A change in thinking and motivations, from the negative to the positive.
All this because I was introduced to the concept of a higher power, which replaced the insanity of drinking alcohol with sober living. And finding a God of my own understanding who sustains my sobriety and helps me to live a spiritual life. A brand new way of living.
I’m still powerless over alcohol. I always will be. I know that the drink is still available to me. That, if I break away from this way of living, I’m probably going to end up back drinking again.
I know this is only a day at a time, this life I’m living. I’m just free of alcohol for this day. In order to stay sober, I have to commit myself to doing what I have learned in AA each day I wake up. I have to go to meetings regularly, because I have learned that I can’t do this way of life alone. I need others like myself to to help me to maintain my sobriety.
For me, I have just described my experience, strength, and hope. That’s pretty much what I told this new man. And what I was thinking, as I sit here now.