I was thinking about friendships today. How important they have been to my staying sober.
When I came into this program, I had burned almost all my bridges behind me. What friends I had got lost in the fog alcohol had brought into my life. And some of those, when I arrived at the 9th Step were, it seemed, irreparable. Others just barely.
However, as time went on in this program, I found that I began to come to a point, where those I had met in the meetings were able to break the barriers down between myself and the rest of humanity. Ever so slowly I began to be able to emerge from my hostility and isolation through the kindness of those around me. I found that this kind fear driven selfishness and self centeredness on my part began to crumble as I began applying the Steps to my life.
It is amazing to me, as I look back at what this process of working the program has done for me. How, as time went on, the very thing, which had almost destroyed my life, this disease of alcoholism, became the foundation which opened the doors to friendships. Friendships, which began as associations, and developed into loving relationships.
Love wasn’t a word I would have used in any kind of conversation early on. In fact, if it came to mind, I found it repulsive. I associated it with the worst kind of thoughts. But the persistence and tolerance of others began to turn the word love into what it was meant to convey.
A word which would eventually describe what it meant to be sober.
Friendships.
Anyway, I was reminded of friendships this morning, while writing to a member in this program and talking about a friend we both admire. When I signed off, I wrote “your friend”. And, I meant it. I was thinking of how much I owe my sobriety to my friends of long standing in this program. And, of course, the new ones I have made along the way.