I just got a couple of messages, which reminded me of one of my biggest hazards in my trying to stay sober; lack of patience. Actually I was thinking about this earlier today, but, when these things came in, I decided to sit and write about patience.
Lack of patience is the spark to ignite anger and frustration within me. For me that’s really dangerous. It is the root cause of resentments for me. Something I really can’t afford.
I asked myself, what is really lacking in these moments and the answer for me is tolerance and understanding. Often I know the cause. It’s misunderstanding others. It’s me trying to draw an unfounded conclusion about others. I don’t have the knowledge of what makes others tick. Mind reading is not my strongest suit. Yet, I am tempted to decide what motivates others without knowing a darn thing.
I learned a long time ago from my old sponsor Tom, when having to make many 10th Steps amends for my temper and loose tongue, that I was going to have to practice patience and understanding with others. Or, as the 12th Step says, to practice these principles in all of our affairs. But, as it was pointed out to me, one of my defects was not understanding what the BB said about wanting to be the director of the play. People weren’t going to follow my directions and perform the way I wanted them to act.
I hardly think I’m a candidate for sainthood, but I know what the Prayer of St. Francis, in the 12&12, says about praying for understanding of others, rather than to be understood. That whole prayer is all about what I need, when it comes to practicing patience, tolerance, and understanding.
What it points out to me is how self centered I can be. It’s all about me. When I’m like that, my primary purpose to stay sober is out the window. At these moments, it’s up to me and my higher power to stop and step aside and reflect on what’s really important. To put into practice the spiritual principles and to seek and to do God’s will for me.
Anyway, I was thinking about this today and grateful for these messages I received today.