Just thinking today of how grateful I am for my bottom. Without that, where would I be today? It caused me enough pain to convince me I wanted to stop drinking or else to kill myself. Fortunately there was someone there to prevent me from doing myself more harm than I had already done through my drinking alcohol that last day.
Bill W. talks about this in the 1st Step in the 12&12. He says why all this insistence by AA that every alcoholic must hit a bottom first? The answer is simple. Who else is going to do what is necessary to stay alive? Like the 12 Steps. Why would anyone sincerely commit themselves to this simple program unless the pain of drinking outweighed the benefits they believe they can get from alcohol?
And that’s exactly what I found, when I came into this program. I came in convinced that I could no longer afford to take another drink. I knew nothing about AA, when I came here. But I was convinced that whatever this program had is just what I needed. No questions asked. Like Fred in the BB said, I had made up my mind commit myself to whatever. I was willing to do anything. Like him, I had this feeling that my alcohol problem was solved. And it was.
I was thinking about this during the meeting today. Someone else was “coming back”. I listened to what this person said and then the people in the room, who responded. The thought crossed my mind that their answers were winning the argument against the next drink for them, but I had my doubts about the one coming back.
I know I could be wrong, but I know that the only teacher is the one who can cause us enough pain to make us surrender. And that one is alcohol itself. What else was it that caused me to understand how powerless I was over alcohol? It was alcohol. That last drink.
And it was only through the Steps that I was able to stop fighting alcohol. I no longer had to say to myself, as I had done hundreds of times before, this is my last drink. It just was, because AA had the answer. I didn’t. There was no way I could do what was necessary to stop this insanity I was subject to under the influence of alcohol.
I have empathy, not sympathy, for this person I saw today. Unless they are convinced to their very core that they have had enough pain to understand their being powerless, they may have to drink again. I don’t envy them. Some said today that they wanted them to stay. I don’t know if I would have said that. I think I might have recommended another round of drinking. That’s what Bill alludes to in the 12&12 and it clearly states it in the BB. I’ve seen old timers say that in the past. Not convinced? Take another drink.
I hope and pray that I never have to have someone say that to me. I’m convinced. And I have to express my gratitude to my higher power and this program, which provided an answer to my dilemma with alcohol and relieved my pain. May I never forget.