Sometimes I’m able to get glimpses of things, which bother me and create turmoil in my life. Things, which seem to pop up out of nowhere and interfere with what I have come to know as sober thinking and actions. Things which seem to connect with my character defects.
Last night I pulled my 12&12 out and began to reread the 10th Step. As I was reading it, I had a couple of eyeopeners hit me. The acid test. The one where we’re asked if we can stay sober, keep in emotional balance, and live to good purpose. The description of an emotional binge. And then, further on, the words “accurate self appraisal”.
The reason I am thinking about this is how grateful I am that there is this 10th Step to help me handle what goes on with me in what Bill W. calls “the adventure” in this way of life. Certainly I have been talking to others, during this brief episode and have been given a lot of insights into what has been going on. But it is up to me to pick up the tools I have been given to help me stay sober, and this one, the 10th is the one I need on a daily basis.
What happened? I became aware of how unmanageable and how powerless I am over some aspects of my life. And that’s when I was able to proceed to the 11th Step and surrender to my higher power. Once again I was made aware that this is a process. Progress not perfection.
I was thinking about this as this day went on. Even when talking to others after the meeting, this theme was just under the surface and I was aware of what a wonderful program I had stepped into so many years ago. It not only saved my life and my sanity, freeing me from the bondage of alcohol, but gave me a second chance at life. I am grateful to the God of my understanding and all those, who have contributed so generously to my being sober today.