Ran into a program friend of mine in a store today. While we were talking, he told me that he had led a meeting last night and he brought up the subject of reservations. He said that he was amazed at the honesty of the members in attendance and that reminded him of all the reservations he had. One of those was about when his daughter would eventually grow up and get married. Of course he would have to drink, he thought. Not anymore. He got rid of that at the meeting.
That reminded me of the 6th Step in the 12&12, which I read again this morning. Bill talks about our rationalizations about our character defects. I certainly have had my share of these,
But all this leads me back to think about reservations. If I have “reservations” about my obvious character defects, what about a drink? After all, the seed of a drink is still down within in me. Like it is always said, once and alcoholic, always an alcoholic. I am never cured of this disease.
However, Bill does answer this question early on in the 6th Step, when he tells us that the only step we can work 100 percent is the 1st. I believe that I did surrender to that step completely, when I came into this program. I even remember my sponsor questioning me on the matter of reservations. But, I also realize, that as time goes on, rationalization does return. That’s why I need not only to go to meetings to be reminded of what I often forget, I also have to be aware that I have a need to recommit myself to this program and sobriety on a daily basis.
I was thinking about this after I talked to my friend. A reminder that no matter how I get involved with things in my life, which tend to pull my mind away from my primary purpose, I have to be aware. Like Bill says in the BB; eternal vigillance is the price of our sobriety. Fortunately, the 2nd Step comes right after the 1st. Dependence on my higher power for the strength I need to stay on this path.