A long time ago, I was told not to compare myself to anyone. That I would end up with one of two results. Either I would feel superior to someone else or inferior.
Listening to someone, who was doing this today, a young man struggling with this program, I was reminded of what my sponsor had told me. Kind of like that old saying, don’t compare yourself out, but identify yourself into the program.
That kind of measurement of ourselves never worked for me. Instead my sponsor told me that, if I needed to see how I was progressing in this program, that the only way to do it was to compare myself to myself. He told me to go back to when I came in and measure myself from there up to where I am today. Kind of a spiritual inventory or yardstick.
In the past I used to a lot of comparing myself to others. The result was that I often found that I didn’t measure up. How could I? I came here with such low self esteem. I had such self loathing and guilt, it’s a wonder I didn’t go back out and take a drink. Fortunately I got a lot of help and direction from my sponsor and a lot of others, who aided in teaching me how to use the Steps and to pull myself up out of the hole, which I had dug with the help of alcohol.
Now, when I look back to that day, when I hit my bottom and came into the program, and look at the ground I have been blessed to cover on this path we’re on, I can see the improvements in my life. I’d have to be blind not to see the changes the spiritual solution has brought into my life. I’m not that same man, who walked through the door back then.
Whenever I have doubts about how I’m doing and the progress I have made in this program, I talk to others. I know I can give my inventory to them and then listen to the counsel they’re willing to give me from their own experience. If I have any doubts, then I look back take my measure again. From that first day up until now. Has anything changed in my understanding and grasp of the 1st Step? The 2nd and 3rd? That my sponsor told me was the firm foundation on which I can stand and move forward from there.
Anyway, I was thinking about this today. Have to be grateful for all those old timers. Where would I be without them?