This is Sunday. It used to be said, when I was young that this was supposed to be a day of rest. You wouldn’t know that today, because so many are busy at so many things on this day. But it did remind me of something. There is one thing in my life I know that never takes a day off. Alcohol.
Alcohol never rests. It’s always there and always will be. That subtle charmer is there all the time. Bill was right; it’s cunning, baffling, and powerful. I do know that after a long spell of sobriety it can appear harmless. Especially, if I have slipped into a time of complacency. Like in Jim’s story in the BB; still no thought of a drink. That’s when he drank the whiskey in milk.
It reminds me of another statement by Bill in the BB. Once and alcoholic, always an alcoholic. Doesn’t matter how long I’ve been away from alcohol. It’s always there. A real threat to my sobriety. I’m still powerless and always will be.
Though the thought of a drink has long been put on hold, I believe it is necessary to be aware of the potential, which is just around the corner. I’ve witnessed too many, who had long term sobriety, who picked up again. I need to occasionally stop and think about this, and remind myself of the reality and truth of who and what I am.
However, I also need to think about what I have in my arsenal to protect me from that next drink. I have a higher power in my life today. Something I sorely lacked, when I was drinking. A higher power, who has restored me to sanity, through the process of these 12 Steps. Each day I need to remember my higher power and know that my dependency on this higher power is what has worked through time. The God of my understanding has protected me through the good and the “bad” times in this program.
My gratitude, whether I feel it or not, can always be expressed, not just in words, but in my actions. I need to daily continue to practice these principles I have learned through the program in all of my affairs. No matter how imperfectly these are there in my life and I can always hope and believe they will sustain me. I often have to go through things, which seem so critical at times, only to find how trivial they were in the end. Things, which can build up into a mountain in my thoughts and feelings. Stuff, which can begin as an irritation and appear as a gathering storm of resentments and anger.
No matter what the disturbance is in my life, I need to remember what’s behind those dark clouds. It can very well be alcohol. I know today that I have tools and resources to dispel the effects of fear, anger, and all my other character defects. I have only to pick them up and use them.
I was thinking about this today, because I had the occasion to almost fall into the trap of such a disturbance. I am so grateful for the program and all those who have supported me and taught me what I should do.