I began to think about how important communications are to my sobriety. My talking to someone and them relating back to me. Prayer is a form of communication. All kinds of communications. But, no matter the media, there are some communications, which are a challenge to my sobriety.
And that took me back to what I was thinking about yesterday. Understanding. In order for me to understand, it takes an open mind. Mine is not always open. When Bill opened the door to this in the 4th Step, talking about treating others as sick people, rather than being angry or resentful. He made me think that’s just another way to tell me that I need understanding, when I’m dealing with others.
The truth is that I don’t always understand. And the reason I don’t is that my mind is slanted because of previous experiences or the way I was brought up. I tend to assume or presume. I see this in others, when communicating. Not too long ago I said something, which I thought was completely harmless and this person reacted in hurt and almost anger. I discovered that, what I thought was a bland comment, they took personally. It had nothing to do with them, but they thought it did. They assumed. Misunderstanding.
A total lack of understanding on both our parts.
The BB said that love and tolerance are our code. To accomplish this I have to have to try to be able to understand others. It’s misunderstanding which leads to fear, anger, resentments, guilt, and hurt pride. All of which can undermine and threaten this sober life I’m trying to lead.
The key to all of this is, of course, the key to everything in staying sober: Willingness. Am I willing to understand or at least attempting to understand? In trying to practice these principles in all of my affairs, I had to step back and consider what made each of the people I live with tick. Their backgrounds. None of them have a program, like AA. In fact they are totally ignorant and somewhat hostile to the alcoholic. None of them has ever attempted to reach out for help of any sort and I know a couple of them have rejected such help. Their personal experience with an alcoholic has slammed the door shut in their minds. Knowing this helped me understand. It opened the door for me to practice love and tolerance. Not easy but do-able, if I am willing. It’s far from perfect.
In all of my affairs. That’s a big challenge for me. With a mind like mine, which has to struggle to get open, it seems more difficult. But, I look back at examples of some of the old timers I have known. Men and women, who were just like me; alcoholics. They certainly gave me a lot of understanding, when I know I was so difficult to deal with in my early sobriety. Especially my sponsor.
But, when it comes to understanding, I often go back to the woman, who wrote Freedom From Bondage. He willingness to come to an understanding helped her to forgive and rid herself of a seemingly endless resentment. Her counsel was, if we’re not willing, to pray for the willingness to be willing. As she said, it always comes in her experience. It often works that way for me.
My desire to stay sober often drives me to become willing to come to understand. All I have to do is to look back at what drove me here. That last day drinking. It reminds me that I never want to go back to drinking ever again. I may never achieve the understanding of others that I think I need, but at least I can try. Not to at least try could possibly lead me back to where I never want to go.