I was thinking these past couple of days of AA’s counseling us to depend on our higher power; the God of our understanding. In the 11th Step in the 12&12 Bill talks about how we ought to have a short prayer or phrase, which reminds us of this. He writes about how useful this is, when we run across things, which can ruin our day. Anger, fear, resentment, and the like. He said that, if we have developed the practice of doing this, that it can unclog the channel between us and our higher power.
As I read this, it reminded me of how, at one time, I used to have such a phrase and would almost unconsciously repeat it to myself. I picked it up from the BB and, like I said, it would run through my mind pretty much all the time. Bill was right. When I would run into problems during the day, there it was and I would become conscious of what I was saying. It helped me. Whether from rebellion in me or complacency, it stopped at some point. Maybe I felt it was getting a little stale, or that I was. Nevertheless I was reminded to put effort into renewing this practice.
That in itself made me think of something Bill talks about: Ideals. In this program there are a lot of principles and goals we are urged to strive for, if we are to stay sober. Simply put, for someone like me, I need to realize that they are just that. Whether I am able to achieve them or not, is not important, as long as I try. I have to be reminded of this often, because, when I fall short of any of these ideals, I’m often liable to become discouraged or get the feeling I’ve failed to live up to the principles I’m supposed to be practicing. What a downer that can be for me. Ooops, I failed again.
That prayer or phrase I picked up from the BB seems to cover that for me. It often saved my peace of mind. What it said was, “Of myself I am nothing. My father does the work.” I would often add, “And because he does, he makes me something.” Just my thinking. But it was a reminder of my dependence on him. Just because I am sober doesn’t mean that my life is all that manageable. I have to remember that just as I have to remember that I’m still powerless over alcohol.
I was thinking how I need to renew the practice of repeating this daily to myself. Not to become a saint or a little goodie two shoes, but to let me know that I am willing and intend to do God’s will for me. If I want to stay sober, it is important for me to practice the maintenance of my spiritual condition. Alcoholism is still alive and well in me, but out of sight. I had a reminder last night. I had a drinking dream. Hmm. Better start right now and remember who and what I am and how dependent I am on my higher power. The people in AA and the God of my understanding.