I was reminded these past few weeks about something it says in the BB. How we can end up resting on our laurels in this program of spiritual action and be headed into trouble.
The problem with this is how easy it is to end up coasting. In order to coast we have to have a downward slope. This I know is what causes so much trouble to many of us, myself included. Everything going smoothly, when something happens that throws us off balance. It happened to me in the past few weeks, until I woke up.
The BB tells us that at that point a drink is not far off. It reminds us that we’re not cured of our alcoholism. It’s always just for today. And it’s based on our spiritual condition. Mine, I found, wasn’t all that great at the time I became aware of my situation. I found myself judgmental of others, self righteous, and resentful from stuff that was making me angry.
I was aware that something was wrong, but I was distracted by events far beyond my power. A tragedy in the family pulled me off the beam. In the chaos around me, though I kept my own counsel, caused me to begin to slip back into my character defects. Why was that?
I was told that it works if you work it. And at some point I must have stopped working it. I went to meetings regularly. I was dealing with the tragedies other families were involved in, but I believe I had forgotten how this program works.
Fortunately for me, in trying to get back on track, I finally recognized what was going on within me. A Tenth Step brought me to the point where I was able to practice the Eleventh and the truth came out. It took all the preceding Steps to clear my mind and let me honestly begin to seek and do the will of the God of my understanding. Only then did order come back.
I was sitting here tonight thinking about this. How the BB had cautioned us that eternal vigilance is the price of sobriety. Awareness of the program and my need to practice this every day.
At a wake today for a long term member, I listened to others, who knew this woman, talk about her in terms with which I could relate. Her spirituality. It was evident to everyone around me. It touched me deeply to know that there really are those, who have practiced this program right up until the end. She was proof that it works if you work it.
It made me grateful to have this example for me to look at and take something from it. I thank my higher power, those alcoholics, who have supported me through my sober years and the God of my understanding, for this moment.