Someone at the meeting today, fairly new, was talking about their difficulties with the Third Step. I knew from my own experience what that was. I strained and strained with that Step for quite a while, until someone opened my eyes and my mind.
Too much thinking was what I suffered from. Too much analysis. All this based on what I had learned before I came to this program. And what I had learned was useless in this program. None of it applied. Not really anyway.
The other roadblock was what my sponsor had told me already. I had a closed mind. He told me it would take dynamite to get my mind open. I needed a lot of help to pry it open. And all my thinking and analysis only served to keep it shut tight.
What happened was so simple. The thing that ended my thinking and got me to stop and really opened my mind. There was a woman in the meeting, when we were discussing the Third Step, who turned to her sponsor and asked, “What’s God’s will for me?” Her sponsor said, “The other nine Steps.” Simple.
My thinking on my own couldn’t get me there. I was frustrated and exhausted. But those four words told me that all I had to do was go forward. I was trying to figure out how I could throw my will and my life “over the wall” to God. When all the time all I had to do was make a decision.
But I think the biggest roadblock for me was turning my will and my life over to God. I had misunderstood what it was saying. I missed the words “care of”. I thought what would happen is that God would take over my life and I wouldn’t have a life. He would be making all the decisions. Not so.
In the end, it was explained to me that I still had free will. I would have to make all the decisions. I had a fear that if I did turn my will and life over that I would end up in India working for Mother Theresa. Really. I was that nuts over this Step.
Later I was to learn much more about this Step. Especially from the Third Step prayer. That one line, Relieve me of the bondage of self, keeps creeping back into my mind. That one thing I need so badly so many times in my life. Trying to get myself out of the way. The need for a modicum of humility anyway. Something to cut my ego down to size and stop me from thinking about me; what I want.
Anyway, after the meeting today I sat down and thought about this person and their struggle and wished I could pass along something, which would not only speed up the process for her, but would take her one step closer to finding the solution I found. What keeps me sober.