Prayer. That was what one long time member of this program and I were talking about last night. Some of the difficulties we find we have with prayer itself. Nevertheless, it made me spend a lot of time yesterday and today thinking about the subject of prayer. After all, sobriety is about the spiritual life we lead.
Relieve me of the bondage of self comes to mind right away. And why do that? So that I may better do God’s will for me. The Third Step prayer. And Bill tells us later that conforming our will with God’s will is the proper use of the will.
Although I may pray to do God’s will, I don’t always find myself willing to do that. That old rebel is still down there, just beneath the surface. I frequently want to do things my way. Yet, I know that I have to struggle against my will and ask for the willingness to do God’s will. It’s about the maintenance of my spiritual condition, which is the key to my staying sober.
Everyday is a day I have to begin my day with asking for God’s will for me and the power to carry that out. I know that I believe, as a long time sober member of this program that one of my tasks is to be an example to the new guy or gal, who comes through the door. Maybe even for some old timer, who is suffering. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help…Victory over what? My will.
And then it ends with May I do thy will always! With an exclamation point no less. A declaration to my higher power. Makes me back off and think. What makes me think I know better? What makes me think that I can think? At least rightly.
Anyway, as I was thinking about the conversation about prayer, the Third Step prayer jumped into my mind. That was followed by the Prayer of St. Francis, a favorite of mine. Though I don’t always remember to go there.
Prayer, as I understand it, is talking to God. Meditation listening. I talk and then God talks. Not so I can hear, but it opens me up to others, so I can hear the message I need to more clearly.
Anyway, like I said, I needed to sit down and quietly meditate and contemplate on prayer today. I don’t know if it will improve my prayer life, but it can’t hurt to just sit and think about it. And then take the action to do better. To improve my relationship with the God of my understanding on whom all things depend. My life and my sobriety.