In and out

Couldn’t help but think about faith today. And the truth is that I’m often in and out on this matter of faith. One day it will be so strong that I don’t even have to question it, and the next it seems to have disappeared and I am left questioning myself about it.

Part of the problem I know is due to my self centered-ness. My ego taking over and not letting go and letting God, but letting go of God. Not intentionally, but being mindless. Not paying attention. Letting my emotions rule my thoughts and actions.

Usually this happens, when I get caught up in my environment. The people and situations around me slip inside my mind and I react. Maybe not overtly, but in my thoughts and reactions within me. Irritation, anger, resentment, and a host of other defects come into the foreground. The program and the thought of a spiritual life drop out of sight. I can remain silent, but it’s a menacing silence.

The answer to all of this, for me, is to remember why I am here. To stay sober and live a sober life. To get back to the principles I have learned in this program. Spiritual principles. To practice patience, tolerance, and understanding. To remember that, when I am disturbed the problem is me, not someone or something else.

Moreover, to stop and not just think, but to contemplate. In other words the 11th Step. Doesn’t matter how I feel, but to just do it. Doesn’t have to be a lengthy moment in time. But enough to remind myself and get myself down to right size.

It’s amazing how quickly it all comes back. There is no mystery to how this program works. It’s right there in the BB, spelled out in very clear terms. It begins with, This is the how and the why of it.

Anyway, I was thinking and talking about this today with a friend in the program.