How crazy can this alcoholic be? This morning I was thinking about an old friend, who has been placed in a hospice. I’ve known this woman for over 39 years. She is my old sponsor’s widow with 57 years of sobriety under her belt.
Anyway I was thinking about how this or that could be done to help her recover. Then a thought hit me, how crazy was that? I was thinking the way my sponsor chided me about, when he said, Ned, you don’t know that you don’t know. You only think you know. He was right. And the longer I have stayed sober, the more that statement means to me.
Yet there I was, thinking I knew. And I don’t. Not only I don’t know, but I am powerless. It’s all in the hands of my higher power. It’s beyond me.
At the meeting today the subjects were surrender and the 2nd Step. Both fit me with my thoughts this morning. Once again I have to learn to let go and let God. And, I would say, I would once again have to check my sanity. I once again have to come to believe that I need a higher power to enable me to continue down this road I am on. The road to staying sober and living a sober life. For that I need sane thinking.
Listening to others this noon, I found identity with so many of them. Particularly, when they were talking about their struggles with surrender and their insanity, which brought them into this program. And then the notes I have received about a famous personality, who has been publicly aired these past few weeks. And I thought, probably none of us ever had the opportunity to be in the public eye, as is he. But how many of us could have demonstrated much of the same thing in our drinking. I probably could have at least won second prize.
Anyway, just thinking. Still about staying sober and some personal issues. Grateful for what I have and what I have been given and the people in here, whom I have known, who have loved me…and hopefully me them.