Lately I have been going back to that line in the BB, which says that at times the alcoholic is self will run riot, even though he doesn’t think so.
I’ve seen some examples of this lately. It’s not my business. MYOB. But I know what that is, because I’ve been there myself. Like the BB said, I had no idea myself, until my sponsor or one of the old timers would pull me aside and tell me.
I remember, going back at least 30 years or more, when my old sponsor came up to me one day and said to me, “Ned, do what is appropriate”. Those words hit me like a ton of bricks. I hadn’t realized how dumb I was until then. And I did stop and changed the direction in which I was going. I’ve never gone that way since.
I could give other examples of being free from alcohol and still stumbling and bumbling along like I knew what I was doing. Having a sponsor and hanging out with the “winners” in this program, who can help me stay on track is exactly what I needed. It probably saved my life and helped me to stay away from alcohol. Another demonstration that I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I only thought I did.
I know that all of us are prey to our emotions and our defects. That’s why I have concentrated for many years and still do on the Second Step. It’s not just being restored to sanity as far as alcohol is concerned. For me it is a daily reminder that my craziness is still under the surface. When I think I know, I need to talk to someone else, who has a grasp on this program. But more, I need to come to depend on and believe in a power greater than myself to keep me going in the right direction. To grow along spiritual lines and stay sober and live a sober life.