Talking about the 6th Step today, a lot of people identified a few of their defects. Defects, which still bother them. The most common was their egos and self-centeredness. Thinking about self and acting it out. I could identify with that.
Became entirely willing? I know for myself that took time. The first thing I thought of was that, when I came in and found that I would have to lead a spiritual life, I balked. I knew that I hadn’t come here to be a saint or a little goody two shoes. I wanted no part of that. But in time, as my mind began to become open and my heart, I began to change. I no longer wanted to be that man I had become. I knew that change was necessary.
But, when I first became aware of this Step, I read what the BB said and just took it for granted that I had done this Step. It was so brief and non descriptive, I thought, how easy was that? Wrong! I don’t know how long this went on, but one day I knew that I hadn’t even begun this way of life. That’s when I discovered that Bill W. had expanded that Step and the 7th in the 12&12.
When I considered what it said, I was certainly willing to give up the worst parts of my character defects, but I still wanted, or thought I did, to keep a few of them. Entirely ready? I wasn’t sure I had ever been entirely ready to do anything. But then I read this was not about perfection. I knew that was beyond me. But as long as I could avoid saying “never”, I knew I had a chance. Progress not perfection.
I also knew that Nature abhors vacuums. If I was to dump a character defect, I was going to have to put something there in its place. A positive, instead of a negative. And that turned out to be a most difficult task for me. But do-able.
I was reading about a man, who saw everyone in the program as hypocrites. A spiritual awakening changed all that and he began to see love in their eyes. That was because he really had stepped outside of himself, his self-centeredness, and unwittingly was returning that love. He had replaced his hostility with love.
In the end, I think all of us had agreed from our experiences, that these defects, probably no longer in the extremes, would be with us, as long as we lived. But just these changes in our characters for the better have changed our outlook on life and the world around us. We’re happier than we ever have been. We’re more at peace with ourselves and experience a serenity we’ve never had before. Peace of mind. The Promises we received, as part of the spiritual awakenings we’ve undergone, as a result of working these 12 Steps in our lives.
Just being able to go to meetings and feel the freedom within, as a result of being present among our own kind, often lifts the burdens we bring with us into the rooms. We talked about these kinds of experiences after the meeting today. Evidence to me of what living a sober life has given me today.