My family came up to visit me this weekend and it has been nice, but also a bit confusing. In the confusion I knew it was better to back off and be quiet. But there was another thought that was just out of sight, but still nagging at me, until I took a moment to step aside and think. And there it was. Gratitude.
Looking back over time, I realized that a long time ago I had begun to come to be aware of gratitude for what had been given to me, as a result of my getting sober. Kind of that first two promises in these 12 Steps. A new freedom and a new happiness.
In the beginning I knew that I was thankful that I had found the answer to my chronic alcoholism. At last I had been freed from the compulsion to drink. That mental obsession and the craving for alcohol had been lifted from me. I was also grateful to learn what was wrong with me, when I read the Doctor’s Opinion. I never knew that I had a disease and what drove me to drink out of control. What a relief. The feeling of being thankful swept all over me.
But it was when I began to work this program, regardless of my periodic balking, that gratitude began to grow within me. I came to a place at the spiritual awakening, when I was restored to sanity and my personality began to change from the negative to the positive and my character defects began to be limited. It was then I began to begin to act out of gratitude.
I began to reach out to others and became willing to share with them what I had found in this program. I discovered that it didn’t matter whether I felt gratitude, as long as I was willing to express it. And that thought has stayed with me through my time in here. If nothing else I can do it by regularly attending meetings. Then I find I’m the one benefiting from the experience. And my gratitude continues to grow.
Anyway, I had to stop today and tell my Higher Power how grateful I am to be sober and thank Him for the all the benefits I have received.