Interesting meeting today. It was about “me vs. spirituality”. Really about the 11th Step. But people had to confess that their egos were dominant, when it comes to spirituality.
This was true of prayer they said, but especially true, when it came to meditation. Reminded me of what Bill W. said about himself, years after he wrote about the 11th Step in the 12&12. He said, when he looked back at that Step in the 12&12, he felt like a beginner. He said that was true of a lot of folks he knew. He would have been supported in that at the meeting today.
For myself, as I listened to all of this, I understood. When it comes to prayers, I know my mind wants to wander all over the place. And when it comes to meditation, I get interrupted by thoughts. Usually about me.
However I have the memory of what my sponsor told me. Never give up and keep on trying. Perseverance. Discipline, which I lack. But have to keep on trying. Sometimes I do better than other times.
One of the things, which helps me, is writing meditations down. That way I can see it and keeps my attention. My focus on what I’m thinking. I also remember early on reading books about methods of meditation. There were a number that gave me ease in the beginning of the 11th Step.
I have one I use mostly now, besides writing. I was told not to look for results or have expectations. I was also told that I was to disregard any “inspirations” that might pop up in my mind. To finish and walk away with words of thanks. Whatever I need to hear will probably come from someone else, either in the group or someplace else. I have found that to be true, especially in attending meetings.
It seems to be the material vs. the spiritual. Many talked about the things, which proved to be distractions. Money, pleasure, relaxation, business, and many other things they desired. A heavy burden to push past to get down to living a spiritual life in this world of ours.
However, I think that many, who spoke, really want this spiritual life, despite their complaints about themselves. They all talked about wanting to stay sober and often referred to their sobriety being dependent on their spiritual condition. And some said that they realize they can’t beat themselves up for stumbling. They just have to pick themselves up and dust themselves off and try again. And again.
My take on all of this is that there are all kinds of ways to persist and get past my ego. Like I said, I don’t ever do this perfectly and don’t even come close at times. But to always go back. Find a quiet place and just do it, no matter what. It’s part and parcel of my staying sober. It’s how I find peace and serenity. The Promises.
Sometimes it can come after talking to another alcoholic. Especially when someone comes looking for help. The 12th Step. Or just listening to someones problems. Sharing my experience, strength, and hope. All of this out of gratitude to my Higher Power and this program and the people in it, who have showed me the way.
Anyway, thinking about staying sober once again.