This is a Fifth Step. For me anyway. I was examining myself over the past month and discovered I was taking myself too seriously. Whew! What a thought. And to remember what my sponsor said to me along the way. To take what I’m doing seriously, but not myself.
After all, who am I? I’m just another drunk. No different that anyone else in this program. I was invited to speak in another state. My mind got into that. I didn’t stop to think about what I said at one convention. Anyone could be up there talking. They could take my place. We all have our stories. In fact at the moment I said that I really wished someone would come up and take my place.
I was told a long time ago that I needed to get out of my own way. I had an ego so big that there was hardly room for anyone else on this planet. The person, who told me that, was absolutely right. I was always stumbling over myself.
Today we talked about the Twelve Steps. And, as I listened, I heard over and over how these Steps reduce our egos and help us change and become better people. A good reminder. It’s the spiritual answer to all my problems. I now have a Higher Power, as a result. He’s in charge and what am I doing taking over again?
Get out of the driver’s seat and go to the back of the bus. How many times have I heard that? Too many and yet I forget. I forget, because some place along the line I stop listening.
I’m not the boss. I need to sit back and listen. Stop thinking about me. Change my attitude. Get a positive attitude.
When I came in I was asked by my sponsor to what lengths I was willing to go. My answer was “any”. Really? And it’s only lately that I finally realized what those lengths really are. They’re the rest of my life practicing this program. Putting those Steps into action each and every day.
Anyway, as I sat down to think about my sobriety, these thoughts hit me. And, oh, by the way, I’m not going out of state now to speak. Good. Just what I needed to make up my mind not to do.