Fear and selfishness were pretty much the subject of our meeting today. Two things I had been thinking about these past few days. When presented with a problem over which I’m powerless, these two defects can become a way of life.
Analysis leads to paralysis. The power of fear can lead me to over thinking. Trying to figure out what it is I can do. I try work out how I can take over and fix what is going on. Finding I don’t have an answer and am unable to take care of it can thrust me into a position where I find I almost can’t move.
And where is it that selfishness comes into play? That’s my self centered thinking. I don’t even realize that I’ve taken wanting to run the show myself again. I want to own it. I’ve forgotten what I have learned in here and literally am not practicing this program.
That’s when I need to stop and surrender to my Higher Power, the God of my understanding. The Second and Third Steps. To hand whatever my problem is back and recognize that I am powerless. The Serenity Prayer. To give up.
Then what? To practice hope and faith. Trust. And then what? To practice. To take action. And that begins with changing my attitude. To get out of the negative thinking and emotions. To put a positive attitude forward. That’s where I have to practice acting as if. And when I do I find that things begin to change.
If I’m honest I can go to that Tenth Step and see where I am wrong. Then the Eleventh. And finally the Twelfth and begin to practice these principles in all of my affairs. To step out and be of service. To reach my hand out and help others.
Anyway, I was forced to look at all the aspects of what was going on. Why? It’s obvious. Despite whatever my “problems” may be, my sobriety is still the most important thing in my life. Practicing the spiritual way of life I have learned in here is more important than my problems. It’s the solution to my problems. The answer to the suffering I put myself through. A drink isn’t an answer to anything in my life. All I have to do is go back to that First Step and see what it was that brought me into this program.
Once again need to express my gratitude to my Higher Power, this program, and all those with whom I have associated and learned from in my walking this path. This way of life. My sober life.