It always makes me uncomfortable, when I make judgments of others. Especially if someone else is doing the talking and I’m listening, but agreeing with them. I know deep down it’s my ego and that I need to do a Tenth Step. There’s something wrong with me.
Just another reminder of my faults and my weaknesses. Not as bad as I was when I came into the program. Nevertheless all this is still present within me. Like I said, it’s part of my self centered nature. My human nature.
True, I have had a spiritual awakening which removed my alcoholic drinking, the restoration to sanity talked about in Step Two. However the other insanity is still there.
As long as I’m pursuing a spiritual way of life and relying on my Higher Power to direct me and guide me along the way, I can stay away from such temptations. But, when I get careless and forget, I can end up in this kind of stuff. Selfishness for sure.
One of the dangers for me in this kind of thinking may well turn into a resentment. The very thing I need to avoid at all costs. I’m well aware of what danger that can bring into my life. I hate to think about the consequences.
Anyway, after one of those conversations earlier today I finally stopped to think about this. Uneasiness is not a comfortable feeling. I’d rather be at peace and serenity. That’s why I’m doing this now. I need to dump this stuff and get back on track. I know I’ve been exhausted with the events of this week and that makes me vulnerable to junk like this. Time to stop and ask the God of my understanding for help. That’s what’s next.
I’m so grateful that I am able to stop and think and change my mind. That’s the grace I have received so often from my Higher Power. Need to get back on thoughts of sober living, where I should be. A day at a time.