We were talking about sponsorship and anger at the meeting today. I heard some great stuff from some long time sober men and women. It matched up with the spiritual axiom in the Tenth Step. Whenever we’re disturbed there’s something wrong with us. Good reminder for someone like me.
After the meeting I was talking to another alcoholic, who has been around some time now, and he talked about his anger. And, of all things the unconscious mind. And that brought back all this stuff I’ve read, including Bill’s remarks in the Eighth Step in the 12&12, where the axiom is in the Tenth Step.
His story was that he felt rebuffed and, though he did recognize he was wrong, he found it difficult to sleep last night, because he had the hangover in his emotions. Did that ever sound familiar.
I spoke of what Bill had written about the unconscious mind and how it had discolored our personalities for the worse and done damage to us. Things that had happened to us, when we were young which we can’t remember and never will. But our emotions never forget and when something similar pops up, so do they. He immediately recognized that what had gotten him angry had happened to him, when he was probably young, but the memory wasn’t there. However the emotions from whatever had happened then were suddenly awakened and come into the present situation and angered him. And then the hangover.
Reminded me of a line in the BB, which said something about our anger at someone, because of whatever is the result of something in our past when we got the ball rolling. It just shows up in the present, because of something familiar. I know exactly what it’s talking about. So did those old timers. And again, the results can hang on for longer than we want.
This is the kind of stuff we need to be aware of or we can end up like a lot of others, who returned to drinking. First of all being aware that we are in the wrong. Something we needed to learn early on in the program about our anger. The emotional takeover and the resulting hangover, which often turns into resentments. Not justified. They never are. I’ve witnessed the results of this too many times in others. Never want to forget that. Makes me aware of my ego and the danger of being so self centered.
All of this brought the value of my sobriety to mind. How much I need to stay aware of what’s going on. How valuable the Tenth Step and the other Steps, which made me aware of my weaknesses. That and the Eleventh, which takes me back to my surrender to my Higher Power and how much I need his strength and guidance. On my own I can really get into trouble and peril. I’m still not cured of this disease and have to know that. It’s up to me to get honest with myself and do my part in making the necessary changes in order to live a spiritual way of life.
After the meeting I felt this gratitude within for all the people in the room and, of course, the God of my understanding.