Once again given a gift. Had a call from a younger man this evening, seeking help with a problem. The old lesson I learned a long time ago. It’s not a one way street. He may have been looking for help, but, for myself, I know it helped me. It’s a two way street always.
The lesson we were both learning is stop while you’re still ahead. Also, when I’m disturbed there’s something wrong with me. What’s wrong with another person is not my business. Additionally I must learn that I have to do what my sponsor told me a long time ago. To think with my head and not my heart. Again, the intellect over my emotions. Or the “eye” over the “eee”.
How easy it is for alcoholics like us to buy into “how we feel”. Someone wants to pick a fight and we want to buy into it. The beginning of anger and even rage, but definitely a large resentment. An invitation to the next drink, like it or not. And here it is. There’s an alternative. Walk away and refuse to be pushed out of the sunlight of the spirit.
I learned a long time ago that my feelings are not me. They are when I identify with them. But, if I’m aware and know what’s going on, and I’m committed to living a sober life by spiritual means, I know I have to step away from my feelings and turn them over to my Higher Power. Not easy, especially when my pride, my over sized ego, the bondage of self, is telling me I need satisfaction.
I’ve seen this happen to others too many times. I’ve seen them get angry, respond to a great resentment, and eventually go back out and drink again. First the spiritual life within dies. Then the mind becomes ill, and eventually we’re hanging on by our fingernails. Unless we take the right action and cut this stuff out of ourselves. Talking to another alcoholic like ourselves, sharing, and then listening.
I was blessed to be able to recognize how valuable a lesson I was learning, as we talked. I was put into the position of my sponsor and reminded of just what he told me was the solution to the problem I had put to him. Not only that, but at the same time I was given the example of two men, who had gone through the same thing, gone out and drank and died as a result. Not exactly where I wanted to go.
The solution is spiritual. If I will continue to follow the path, I was told that I could stay sober. To put this program into action each and everyday. Not to project to the future, nor hang around the past. To do what’s right in front of me. To stay in the now. To become part of the solution and not the problem. To easy does it, but do it. To have the hope and the faith, the trust, in my Higher Power. To say the Serenity Prayer and ask for the help I need. And to give thanks for all I have been given.
Anyway, my old sponsor was right back in my conscience this evening. How much I owe to him and those other old timers, who helped me to get sober. I need to say thanks to them and all those, who continue to help me today. I can’t stay sober by myself and I’m grateful I’m not alone anymore.