One of the most interesting things about our getting sober is what happens to us in that First Step. What it takes for each of us to recognize what’s wrong and then what it takes for us to surrender. That was kind of what went on in the meeting today, with a fairly medium size number of recent arrivals in this program.
I know I could identify with one or two people in their stories about how it worked for them. But the important thing for the new person is the same for all of us. What is needed to get them and us to do what it is that worked for us. The Twelve Steps of this program.
And I know that I can add to that is the commitment to attend meetings. In other words, I can’t stay sober by myself. I need the sobriety and support of others like myself. And I have to become a part of this support process for others. In other words the Twelfth Step. The Fifth Tradition. Plus I always remember what my sponsor said to me. That I was not responsible for being here, but I was responsible for staying here and working the program in order to stay sober.
Of course one of the main requirements for someone like me to stay sober was the commitment I had to make to become open to a spiritual way of life. The Second Step. I had avoided that in the beginning and, though I wasn’t drinking, I was stalled on the program itself and headed toward the insanity I dragged in here with me. Beginning to make a step in that direction, acquiring my Higher Power, and recognizing how powerless I was over almost everything, opened the door to what I so desperately needed. I found I needed the power I didn’t have myself in order to stay sober. To me that was what that Second Step was all about.
It’s once again obvious from what I heard today and my own experience that the degree of pain we go through, which made all of us surrender, had to be severe enough to take the steps to end our struggle to stop drinking on our own. It didn’t work for any of us. And though what caused me to enter this program was all I needed, because I have never really thought about leaving, ever. However I heard a lot of others, who came and kept going in and out. It took a lot more to get their attention and surrender to their disease. I know the new man next to me had gone through this experience himself. He told me that before the meeting started.
One of the main things I know, which helps me, is that I try to remain conscious of my need to stay sober on a daily basis. Everyday I know that I attempt to keep my sobriety up front. I know that at one time, a long time back, I almost slipped into complacency. I think what saved me was what had happened to a few others like myself, who had become complacent and felt that they were doing all right. They stopped going to meetings and doing what I believe was necessary to stay sober. They didn’t. A few of them made it back.
To me there’s a big difference to paying attention and satisfaction. Satisfaction is not what I need. I can be happy and experience peace and serenity and still not feel satisfied. I know for a fact that with my kind of thinking and my self centered ego that I’m always going to be tempted to trip myself up. I often do. Even though I have made major changes in my life I’m still human. I’m a million miles away from the kind of spirituality that I sometimes feel I need.
I keep going back to the chapter in the BB There Is A Solution and reminding myself of the encounter between Dr. Jung and his young patient. What he said to that young man still rings true in my head. “You have the mind of a chronic alcoholic,” he told him and added that he had not seen anyone like him recover. I know that the young man was the same as me. However the solution he did offer that young man is the same solution we have in here. A spiritual experience or awakening, as the Twelfth Step states, is the solution. I can see it and hear it in these rooms over and over again and see the results everyday.
I know that I started this day off with prayers and thoughts about this staying sober. And, yes, I also made sure I had a positive attitude as I started my day and have paid attention to maintaining that. That’s part of my staying sober. Taking care of not letting my emotions take control. Anyway, just taking time to think about staying sober and being grateful for all that I have been given.