Kind of an interesting day. The meeting was on shutting up and listening and the passing of an old friend. And after the meeting I had a long long talk with an old friend about our sobriety.
I have never forgotten when an old timer, back in the beginning, yelled out at me from the other side of the room to shut up. He asked me if I had ever worked these Steps. No. And he told me to take the cotton out of my ears and put it in my mouth. Also to open my ears and learn to listen. To open my mind to what was being said.
I always remembered what happened next. I was really angry and embarrassed. But almost immediately something occurred, which I still can’t explain. Something came to mind almost immediately. It was like a voice, which told me to be quiet and that this was good for me. Talk about amazing.
That really was the beginning of my sobriety. I had been in the program for a while, but had not done anything except not to drink. What had happened was exactly what I needed to happen. It woke me up and got me to start to put the program into some kind of action. Not all at once that was for sure. But little by little I began to do what was said. To shut up and listen.
Then the words of my old sponsor came to mind. That I needed to begin to live a spiritual way of life. I had to put that Second Step into my life or I would die and alcoholic death. I never doubted that. I had escaped death a number of times back in my drinking days and I never wanted to go there again. Especially I never wanted to ever drink again. And all this was the beginning. To shut up and listen. To open my heart and my mind.
A lot of people today talked about their resistance to change and how they had to begin to learn to stay quiet and listen. Most were pretty much told roughly by a sponsor or an old timer what it was they needed to do. To shut up and listen. And those who told this have been around quite a while now. Quite a few a long time. Seems we all have a lot in common.
None of this was easy for any of us. We might have kept our mouths shut, but our sick minds were running all the time and it made it difficult to take in much. However the entrance of a Higher Power into our lives began to help us to change. And one of those changes was a very slow (for me anyway) and gradual healing of the mind. It was the opening of my mind to the Steps. The entrance into not only a spiritual way of life, but the beginning of changing my life from all that terrible stuff I had dragged in with me and starting a better way of living.
My friend and I were talking about how it was at the beginning and what it was like then and what it is like today. How with the help of those old timers, who supported people like us through so many rough times in here. Never want to forget that and want to do the same for others like ourselves. Our thoughts ran through most of the Steps. Particularly making amends for all the harm we were responsible for.
And that brought up the passing of our old friend. A man, who had helped so many in this program. I hope I was able to express my gratitude for knowing such a person. Many others did the same. A great example for us all. Living a sober life and dying sober. Great example for us all. Brought out a lot of respect being expressed.
Anyway today was all about staying sober and being grateful for what we have been given.