Thinking and talking to a couple of people in the program today brought up a lot in my mind today. One of them was the memory of the prayer of St. Francis. The words, may I seek to comfort rather than be comforted, came into my head again. I need to try to remember these words and practice this.
The reason I thought this was that I did just that and then didn’t do that, because I forgot. As I was told, I am only human. The Tenth Step is right there, when I became disturbed. Doing one thing and then doing just the opposite illustrates to me just how far I have to go. And, yes, I was wrong. No question in my mind. And the kindness I was seeking to pass along to another got lost in the shuffle.
Also I was asked to think about the word “contemplation” earlier. Later, after all the other stuff, I did take time to spend an hour or two listening to a speaker and then coming up with my own thoughts, as requested. Even though, like so many others, I am trying to seek a spiritual way of living, I can find myself complicating things. Keeping it simple, as I was told to do, doesn’t always come to mind.
But just the thought alone brings to mind why I am here. Finding the solution to my alcoholism, which is practicing this program and opening the door to a spiritual way of life, is what it’s all about. Being restored to sanity, as far as alcohol is concerned, and having a spiritual awakening has been something beyond my wildest dreams. Amazing.
Yet it’s not a one time thing. It has to be put into practice each and everyday. I must never forget that. And that’s why I attend meetings. At meetings, if I open my mind, my heart, and my ears in order to listen, I get the help I need to put all of this I have learned into practice. I am reminded that I cannot stay sober by myself. I need the help of others, as I found out when I came here. It was true back then and it’s still true today.
To start my day off with prayer. Turning my will and my life over to the program and my Higher Power is what I need to do. To try to do what I have learned in here. To help others and to practice these principles in all of my affairs. Not an easy task for someone like me, who can complicate a one car funeral, as my sponsor often pointed out to me. But do-able, if, with the help of others like myself, I can pay attention to why I am here.
And that’s exactly why I have to take time out and sit and write down my thoughts so that I can focus on what I am doing. A way of mine to practice meditating. To be able to be aware of my need of my Higher Power. The help I need. A reminder of the Serenity Prayer. How powerless I am on my own.
Anyway, just taking time out to remind myself of why I am here. To stay sober. To be grateful for all I have found in here. Always opens my thoughts to my sponsor and those old timers, who blessed me with their presence and their help. And of course my thanks to my Higher Power for all the help I have been given. Like I said, just thinking.