One of the things I stop and think about from time to time is the Eleventh Step. When I do I go back and think about how it was when I came to this program and had started to try to begin to live a spiritual life. It was then that I started to “experiment” with meditation. I say it that way, because I read, studied, and tried a number of ways to practice this.
Looking back to that time I came to know that I spent a lot more time on it then than I do today. In fact, though I do think about spiritual things from time to time during the day, I really only probably practice meditation once or twice a day.
As I have begun, again a long time ago, to write most of my meditations down. That’s because, when I write, I can focus on my thoughts. If I sit and try to meditate my mind tends to travel all over the place and I don’t realize it until I am forced to stop because I am lost. One of the spiritual writers I read about meditation was a man, a monk, Thomas Merton. He said that we can meditate by listening to music, drawing or painting, and, of course writing. In fact I know others, who meditate while walking, jogging. Some tell me that they have to be moving outdoors in order to meditate. Like I said, me I write.
I should amend this, because from time to time I try to sometimes find a place where I can be alone, and I can sit in silence for a period of time. It’s called contemplation or contemplative prayer. Not easy for me to do because I have to focus really hard not to have a thought of any kind. Part of what the Eleventh Step states about trying to improve our conscious contact with the God of our understanding. I was told by a very spiritual man that this is a means of sitting and listening to our Higher Power. He said he speaks to us in the language of silence. Requires a lot of discipline for someone like me.
I always start my meditations with thoughts aimed at my staying sober. They are almost all about sobriety in one form or another. That’s because it should always be why I am here to begin with. And that eventually leads me to the spiritual way of life with my Higher Power. And by the end I should be in a state of gratitude for all I have been given.
So many of my thoughts about my sobriety take me to my problems or some struggles put out by others which I can identify with. And how I have dealt with them or how I will. Seeking the solutions. And of course the solutions are always spiritual. And that reminds me of how my sobriety is dependent on me letting my Higher Power take care of those things over which I have no control or no power, which is most of my life. The Serenity Prayer.
Often these thoughts begin from what I have read or what I have heard in meetings, or what others have shared with me. Often it is about what I need to do or have done to reach the solutions I need to handle what goes on in my life. Or what I have witnessed in the lives of others, which are examples of what I need, or what I need to avoid, in order to stay sober.
I thought I’d take time to think about this stuff. Like I said it helps me to stay focused on why I am here and what I need to do. Like how I need to try to seek a conscious contact with the God of my understanding. And I think the word “try” is important. That’s because I don’t always have a feeling of being consciously in contact. But I know that my attempting to do what I have been told and taught to do is what I need to do. For me it’s part of practicing these principles in all of my affairs.
Anyway once again I need to stop and think about why I am here. I’m here to stay sober and I need to stop and think about that. And I am grateful for all the gifts I have been given in here. The spiritual awakenings I have had and the fact that I have been given another day where I am free of alcohol. Or, as it says in the Ninth Step, a new freedom and a new happiness. I need to thank my Higher Power and all in this program who have helped me.