Taking the time once again to stop and think about why I am here in the first place. And, of course, it’s about never drinking again. That’s what this program means to me. That I’m being given the support I need to help me to remain sober a day at a time.
Every time I stop to think about this I am reminded of all that I have been given in here. The freedom from the bondage alcohol had held me under for so many years, which drove me to the edge of living, where I became willing to end my life, because I could not stop drinking.
I mention this because of what happened today at our meeting. The group was addressing a man, who was coming back from drinking again. And, when addressing him near the end of the meeting, I finally got to see him head on. I could see his face, and when I talked about the pain within me, when I reached the end of my drinking, I spoke about the despair and blackness within me. No hope whatsoever and I wanted to kill myself. And that’s when I saw the pain on his face. It gave me hope.
The reason I always go back to the First Step in the 12&12 is because that is exactly what it talks about. Pain. Our bottoms. That’s exactly what drove me into surrendering without reservation that I was powerless over alcohol. The result for me was that, after I was given hope, I prayed and was freed from the grasp alcohol had on me. And I came to my first meeting five days after that and have never had a drink from that moment on. What an amazing gift.
I keep remembering always that is exactly what it takes most of us to finally admit our being powerless over alcohol. It’s in moments like that which can do for others what was given to me. Sobriety. And hopefully this young man may be able to surrender and get sober.
Anyway, that’s what I was thinking about this evening. Looking at that young man’s face reminded me of exactly how I felt when I finally got free from alcohol. I did what I think most of us have to do. To admit to ourselves how powerless we are over alcohol and the help we need to stop drinking and to get sober. It worked for me and I know if it can work for someone like me it can for anyone who wants it. But, like I heard a long time ago, pain is the touchstone of all spiritual growth.
Just thinking about gratitude for all I have been given, starting with the freedom from alcohol. Imagine the impossible becoming possible! Amazing. I need to carry the word “thanks” around with me all the time. I was given hope, faith followed, and eventually love. And when I think of that I need to remember the importance of never stopping. Perseverance is exactly what I need each and everyday.