Once again I was given the opportunity to take part in and listen to others about the risks of our emotional lives in our alcoholism. I know what I have learned in here and shared and thought about all of this. It all reminded me once again of my staying sober one day at a time.
I realized as we went on how much time I have spent over my time in here attempting to change how my emotions have had a hold on me. I also realize how risky these emotions can be to an alcoholic. I’ve seen the results of what can happen to alcoholics when these take over. I don’t want any of that to happen to me. I’ve seen them drive people like myself back out into drinking alcohol again and ending up in death.
I know I have gone over what I heard in here so many times, but I also know how important all of this is to me. Way back when I came in I heard all those old timers in here say over and over that it’s Intellect over Emotions. I over E. And also what my old sponsor told me. To think with my head and not my heart.
All this I have tried to practice over and over again in here. Nothing happened overnight. Like they said, Time Takes Time. Plus I had to grow along spiritual lines, starting with Step Two, and learned to depend on my Higher Power for the help I needed to change.
I always remembered what Bill W. had to say about these. Take for instance his remarks in the Eighth Step in the 12&12 at the bottom of the page 79 and the top of page 80, which spells out the damage of our emotions on ourselves and others. Worth taking the time.
Over time in here I have experienced changes in my emotions. The damage they could have had on me has been limited by either the absence or the limitations of these. I believe that I have been helped by my Higher Power. And I am so grateful for all the help I have been given.
Doesn’t mean that I don’t find myself stumbling in this program. I can often find myself forgetting and then getting angry and even into resentments. But I was told when that happens to pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep on keeping on. I also know that I can stop my day and start over again, as I was told. To step aside and go by myself and pray, if I can. If not to step back and quietly say a prayer within, and ask the God of my understanding for the changes I need. And then smile and start over with those around me.
I also learned a long time ago about how to change my attitude from the negative to the positive. I was told the truth that attitudes can change the facts. I know that all I have to do is to ask for the help I need and then change from the negative to the positive. Always smile at that point of change. In fact I laugh and bring that into my contacts, no matter what.
All this because I want to stay sober and never drink ever again. I look back and know how destructive alcohol was in my life and almost led me to suicide. Thank my Higher Power for the man who gave me hope and got me to pray and surrender to my being powerless over alcohol. It worked. I was freed of the bondage of alcohol and found this program. I never ever want to forget that.
Anyway I know I have to do what I have to do to grow along spiritual lines and change. I am so grateful for all I have been given by my Higher Power and all those who have contributed to my staying sober. Thanks so much.