Early on I had to learn two things, totally unfamiliar to me. One was boundaries and the other was for me to develop thick skin so that I could stop reacting in the wrong way. I was too sensitive.
I had to be able to get some room between myself and others. Before I would walk up to people and almost get in their faces. I was so immature it wasn’t funny. I needed to start growing up. And that I found takes time. So boundaries were on my growth list.
The other part, the thick skin, was something I found many of us had to learn. I know of others who told me that they had to go through the same thing. One I know was a bad reactor. He told me he had to learn how to develop protection as quick as he could, because he could go off in the wrong way. He knew he had to stop and so he spent time trying to learn how not to. I wasn’t as reactive as he was, but I knew I had too many negative responses and needed to stop.
The most difficult part of these two necessary growths for someone like me was learning to grow along spiritual lines, because of what would happen in both cases. Anger and resentments. I knew I had to bring my Higher Power into helping me to overcome these two negative emotions. Too dangerous for a chronic alcoholic like myself. I had seen what these had done to others. Return to drinking alcohol and death.
I look back and am so grateful for my old sponsor, who was instrumental in helping me to begin to grow up and be responsible. And of course my Higher Power, who had so much to do with helping me to change. And still does. What I can’t and could not do for myself.
After talking to others and listening at the meeting today, which was a reminder to me of why I am here. To stay sober a day at a time. But also relationships. Both family and others and our difficulties in dealing with them. That’s why I needed to learn how to build boundaries and develop a thick skin. So that I could learn how to deal with myself and others.
Anyway I am grateful for all that I have learned and been given in this program. I definitely want to stay sober and how live a peaceful and serene life. For the most part I can and am often happy beyond my wildest dreams. Amazing. Makes me so grateful for what I have been given in here.