I know we all have problems no matter how long we stay sober. It’s part of being human. Our imperfect lives. We can find our physical side of this disease being arrested. Alcohol. The restoration to sanity and the spiritual awakening.
So, what’s left over is our mental, emotional, and spiritual side of our humanity. And therein lies the problems this chronic alcoholic runs across.
Over time I have had the opportunity to talk to others about what it is that causes so much distress. And of course I recognize this because it has happened to me over time. And that’s the often major problem for alcoholics like myself. Anger, resentment, and self justification. Sounds familiar.
Of course it is hazardous for someone like me, because I have seen what it has done to others. Drinking alcohol again and followed by death. I don’t want to go there. So, what is it I can do?
The first thing is to step aside and talk and share with another alcoholic. My sponsor or some old timer. Often times my problem can be something which happened between myself and another member in here like myself.
And that’s where I have to be able to go to the Tenth Step and the spiritual axiom. Whenever I’m disturbed there is something wrong with me. It’s my problem and not someone else’s.
This is where I have to bring my Higher Power into the picture. The need for spiritual relief. My being willing to forgive someone else. To get rid of my anger and my resentments and forgiving them for whatever is going on. Not an easy thing to do for this alcoholic. Been down this road before.
I know I need to pray and meditate and turn things over to a power greater than myself. I have to learn to deal with my problem of negative emotions. The question is am I willing to change? But the first question is do I wish to end up drinking alcohol ever again?
That’s where the Serenity Prayer and the Prayer of St. Francis in the Eleventh Step in the 12&12 comes into the picture. And spending time meditating on why I am here in the first place. A great reminder to me. I’m here to stay sober a day at a time.
I know I need to bring that Second Step and the Third Step into the picture. To turn all of this over to a power greater than myself. To let go and let the God of my understanding do for me what I can’t do for myself.
Time takes time. I may not be able to let go of whatever it is at the moment. But if I can muster up the willingness to change. To recognize the need for the humility I so desperately need and the compassion. To be willing to give to another what it is has so often been given to me by others and the God of my understanding.
Anyway, after these talks, I had to stop and sit down and think about all of this. Like I was thinking, I never ever want to drink alcohol again. I know it’s up to me to be willing to change and do whatever it is I need to do. To remember that I cannot stay sober by myself. I need to go to meetings and to continue to share with others and listen in return.
I am grateful for all I have been given.