Something happened which raised the emotion of fear once again. It made me back off and think about that. After all the positive changes in here, especially as far as emotions go, it wasn’t much of a surprise to see this one pop up.
One of the things I thought about was I wonder how often these feelings are within us and hidden. That is until something trips them out into the open. Often when I have people share with me I can really see these, even when the person isn’t aware of that.
One of the things, which pops up in my mind is how dangerous this can be to people like us. Often I know that my first reaction is to cover it up with anger and often resentments. I know that’s my reaction in the past. And it wasn’t far away this time, until I recognized what was going on. Then I got rid of it.
Of course the answer for me was again spiritual. I know, when I got up this morning, the first thing I did was to pray and enter into meditation. Quiet. Silence. And all of it was gone until later on, when something appeared, which almost raised these feelings again. Thankfully the result of this morning was still there and I could let go of these.
I often hear others, who when talking will bring fear up, as a primary emotion. It reminds me of the condition I was in when I walked through these doors. In fact it took time to begin to learn how to let go of these feelings. I know that is true of those who have admitted their own experiences. I also know it is probably the primary emotion in them and I know it can, as I said, pop up at times within me.
For me anyway my doing what I must do everyday, to stop and meditate on why I am here helps put this out of my mind. I know when I stop and think about why I am here it always helps no matter what is going on. I try each day to remind myself that I am here to stay sober a day at a time. That’s my primary purpose no matter what. I never want to forget that. Ever. I never want to drink alcohol again no matter what.
Anyway what I felt and was thinking reminded me of this. I always have to admit to myself how amazing this is for this chronic alcoholic. I often think back to when I was freed of the bondage alcohol held me in over the years out there and I am so grateful. To me it was a miracle. The spiritual awakening. My gratitude to my Higher Power for that. The restoration to hope and faith. The start of the spiritual life I was introduced to in this program. And part of that I definitely owe to my old sponsor. I am so thankful to him and all those people here in this fellowship who continue to help me to stay sober. I know I can’t do this by myself. I owe thanks to each and everyone. Thanks.