This was an interesting day for me. Most of the morning and into the meeting I was involved with sharing about tempers. Resentments. Brought up a lot of thoughts about the struggles in staying sober a day at a time.
One of the first thoughts, which jumped into my mind was the Tenth Step. The Spiritual Axiom in the 12&12. Whenever we’re disturbed there is something wrong with us.
I remember how I had to learn that over time. Backing off from anger and resentment against others and looking at my own faults. Not easy, as I remember. And I’m sure it will not be easy for those caught up in these deadly emotions.
I say deadly, because I have seen just how alcoholics like ourselves have gone back out and drinking in anger at others. And the cost? Their lives. Just like the BB tells us that resentments cut us off from the sunlight of the spirit. We drink alcohol again, and we die. Have seen that almost from the beginning in here. Enough to get my attention.
Over time in here, with the help of my old sponsor and other old timers, I learned how to begin to deal with negative emotions, like resentments. I had to learn to live a spiritual way of life. To learn how to depend on my Higher Power, whom I found in the Second Step. To grow in hope and faith, and eventually love. Like the Ninth Step tells us, the spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it.
And a basic part of this is learning to focus on staying sober a day at a time. Yet the BB tells us that there may come a time, when we will have no mental defense against that first drink. And anger and resentments can set us up for such a trap. I know that happened to me once early on. Fortunately my wife was there and asked me what was wrong. When I told her she told me I needed to step out the door and pray and ask my Higher Power for help. I did and the thoughts of a drink went away. Another miracle and gift in here.
Anyway, as these thoughts went on, it made me stop and think about what I needed to about the answers I have found in here and how it works…if I want to stay sober. And I do. I am so grateful for all the help I have been given by my Higher Power, my old sponsor, and all these alcoholics in here, who have helped me through my time in here.