After the meeting today, which was on the Second Step, I went home and opened the 12&12 and re-read it again. Very carefully. And then I became aware that one word which was used over and over again in that Step. And that word? Humility.
I must have noticed it before, but I really noticed it today. I had to stop and think about it. Do I really practice this, or do I allow my ego to run and control my life? When was the last time I backed off and thought about doing the will of my Higher Power?
I guess what I had to recognize was how well do I work this program in my life? I mean, I know that I’m staying sober a day at a time, but do I really stop and think about that? Putting this program into action, and not being caught up in my belief that I know what I’m doing. Do I?
One way of looking at this is to see how I’m viewing others. Am I being critical? Who do I think I am? Especially if my view is making me angry. Or at least irritated. Is it my business? Maybe I have to go look in the mirror and see whom I’m really looking at.
Do I pray and ask for help? And if I do, do I accept whatever help I seem to be receiving? Do I listen to others and accept what they are offering someone like me? Or, on the other hand, am I rejecting whatever it is? Maybe I believe I know what God’s will is, other than just not drinking a day at a time.
Anyway, at least it passed one message onto me. I’m to take my own inventory and not that of someone else. Just an observation I need, if I want to practice humility in here. My thinking. The spiritual axiom in the Tenth Step, in the 12&12.
I was reminded of the Ninth Step, where it says that the spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it. And it was that Second Step, which started the spiritual life for me in this program. Not an overnight event. It’s still going on, I hope. Oh, that’s right, it was hope which that Step restored in me. That and faith.
And this is where I need to stop and remind myself of why I am here. I’m here to stay sober a day at a time. Today and not tomorrow. Nor last week. Now. This moment. And I am grateful, once again, to my Higher Power for all I have been given. And to those in this program, who have helped me along the way, to stay sober each and everyday in here.