One of those big hurdles in sobriety, for an alcoholic like me, came up today. Not that I was alone in my problems with this. So I had to focus on me. And that problem is acceptance.
Before I came into this program, acceptance was a negative word to a drunk like myself. In truth, it was my dishonesty. Not that I ever thought about that at the time. It was only after I got in here I was faced with this. In fact, my dishonesty was pretty clear to my old sponsor and those old timers. It was something I was going to have to really work on.
Of course the first step for me in breaking out of the dishonesty my super sized ego held me in, was the necessity of beginning to be open to a spiritual way of life. The Second Step. That opened the door and I came to believe in a Power greater than myself. My Higher Power.
The Serenity Prayer uses that word in our request to accept the things I cannot change. And that sure did reveal my dishonesty. My ego told me I could change anything I wanted to. It was difficult, but I finally became able to face the fact that there is little I can change in this world. People, places, and things are out of my control. And the only thing I can change I found was extremely difficult. And that’s me.
I discovered that the spiritual life could do for me what I could not do for myself. I needed the courage to change me and I found that I had to depend on my Higher Power. Took time in here to really begin to change because I found myself bumping into me. I had to begin to surrender and give up my wanting to control everything. Like a friend of mine in here always states, I had to learn to get out of the driver’s seat on the bus and go to the back of the bus and sit down.
All this took surrender. I could look back at my getting honest and finding out what I needed to do to get sober. I had to surrender. Not just “give up”. I had to surrender 100 percent. Nothing less, if I wanted to stay sober. Thankfully I was so full of pain that I had no other choice. I surrendered, prayed for help, got the help and I was relieved of the power alcohol had over me. That example is what I had to lean on to grow along spiritual lines in here.
Anyway I needed to stop and think about this. How to push my ego out of the way and ask for the help I need. The problem has not gone away. I’m still a human being, who often stumbles over my faults and defects. Yet I know all I need to do is to stop and surrender and ask my Higher Power for the help I need. Also I have the helping hands of others like myself in here, who are willing to listen. And I have to also listen to others, who are like me and know how to stay sober a day at a time. Makes me grateful that I have been given this gift.