Once again I had the same reaction, as I have had before. I was at the meeting tonight as the speaker. And when I arrived at the part where I was in the bar drinking alcohol for the last time, I was once again drawn back almost into tears. Happens every time it seems.
For some reason, when I reach this point in telling my story, all of a sudden I can almost see the scene. I can see myself looking at myself in the mirror behind the bar. Once again I can see what I had become. I was an out of control drunk, who could not stop drinking no matter what. I could also see what I had become to my family and others. I could see the kind of person I was. It was a moment which reached right into my life and my emotions at that moment, which was about to take me out the door and into suicide.
At that moment I can see the people in the audience in front of me and the emotions they’re experiencing at the moment. Somehow, for me, I can recognize their reactions and my own. It’s almost like we all are united inwardly. And it touches me deeply, as it seems to be doing the same to them. For the moment we’re united.
Putting everything else aside for now, it is this kind of thing, which I think unites us and we all begin to experience the connection of alcoholics like ourselves. Hopefully bringing us into identifying ourselves as alcoholics with the common purpose of staying sober a day at a time.
I think there was a lot of connection going on tonight, but that one moment was a seeming high point in this regard. Personal identification with one another as alcoholics needing and wanting to stay sober. And it was that, which always encourages me to agree to speak. Carrying the message of this program to others like myself. Acting in compassion and love to other alcoholics like myself. Freely giving as it was freely given to me.
After the meeting, when I got home, I knew I had to take a moment and stop and think about this. Once again reminding myself of the main part of this message tonight. That our primary purpose is to stay sober a day at a time. Spending no time in my heart and my head in the future or the past. Just for each moment at the time.
Anyway I needed to think about all of this and be grateful for all I have been given. The Third Step prayer and the Serenity Prayer.
One of the gifts was the moment I was able to talk about the spiritual awakening. Freedom from alcohol. The beginning of sobriety and up to where I am today, at the moment. Need to say thanks to my Higher Power, and all those, who have helped me over time.