I had to laugh today, when I thought of the word “Humility”. The reason was because the word comes from the word “humus”, which is about earth, dirt, or whatever. Just made me think, if I had humility I’d be “dirty”.
Yet the word humility is very serious. I have to back up and think what it’s about. It’s about me being cut down to size and getting out of my own way. Not easy for an egomaniac like myself. I still have a problem with my ego.
When I did come in here and got sober, I heard a lot about humility. And back then those old timers would cut alcoholics like myself down to size. They needed to get our egos out of the way, so that they could help us begin to change. I still look back and admit that I had admiration for them doing that.
The problem with this is that I’m not just and alcoholic, I’m still human. Not a saint, that’s for sure. So, I have to admit that I’m open to tripping over my defects in here. And one of those is egomania. That’s why I need to be able to pray and ask my Higher Power for help. I also need to listen to some of those old timers in here, who can catch my attention and cut me down to size that I need.
And, of course, I have to say the Serenity Prayer. I have to get out of my own way. My getting upset and angry at others. I have to admit that I can’t change anyone or really anything. I need to go to that Tenth Step and the spiritual axiom, that whenever I’m disturbed I’m the problem. I need to back up and forgive others and clean up my act. Letting the air out of that huge balloon…me.
Of course I can ask others for help, as well as my Higher Power. Like I said, I can well remember how those old timers would not hesitate and cut me down to size. I’m still grateful for what they did for me. It all helped me to do what I needed to do. To stay sober a day at a time.
Anyway this was part of our discussion today. I need to remember all of this. How easy it is for an alcoholic like myself to get caught up in my old time defects. I know this is always going to happen, but I have to do something or face my going back and drinking again. Just need to back off and learn to do something about this. Grateful that I was reminded about this today.