One of the things I rarely focus on is living my life. It’s amazing to stop and think about this and be focused. When this comes up, I have to stop and think. I mean I lived an alcoholic life, and now a sober life, free of alcohol. But that mess I called my old alcoholic life I lived, until I came into AA. And this way of life today is totally different.
For one thing, I’m not drinking alcohol anymore. What a great freedom from total despair and deep depression. Instead I have a life of often true happiness and peace of mind and heart. And I owe all of this to this way of life. Going into the Second Step and learning to live a spiritual way of life. It wasn’t that way in the black hole I call my alcoholism. And that all occurred, when I knew nothing about AA or even alcoholism. All I did know was that I was given hope by a friend who told me that there was a place where men and women met and stayed sober together. That opened the door to my praying and turning my alcoholic life over to the God of my understanding. Surrendering and letting go completely. I also wanted to change my way of life and begin a new life at the same time. And it worked. I woke up the next day and alcohol was gone.
Five days later I came to my first AA meeting. And that started a new way of life for me. I didn’t recognize what that was, but it did get me to meetings, and though I was ignorant of what was going on, I later realized that I had alcoholics like myself, who were sober, around me. Only later, when I got my second sponsor, did I get introduced to what it was I needed to do to stay sober. And that was when I learned that my first sponsor was a “two stepper”, only taking me out on Twelfth Step calls. He drank again and died. It woke me up. I suddenly realized that I wasn’t safe the way I was and needed help.
My second sponsor woke me up. He told me that I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I only thought I did. And that made me stop and see the truth of what he was saying. I had been living and thinking the way I was back, then, except I wasn’t drinking. And that got me willing to listen and learn what I needed to do to stay sober. I first learned that I could not go around thinking I would never drink alcohol again. I had to stop and learn that I had to stay sober a day at a time. If I had stayed focused on the idea that I was free and would never drink again, I could end up like some I had seen, who went back out and died. I need to learn to stay focused on what I needed to do each day to grow and to change.
That was when my sponsor got me to not read the BB, but to study it. And then to focus on the Second and Third Steps. To not only find a Higher Power I could depend on, but to begin to live a spiritual way of life. A big change.Didn’t happen overnight. Like the signs around here said, Time Takes Time. Only a day at a time. And that opened the door to this program and the rest of these Steps. And these Traditions.
Anyway, after all of this time, I’m still having to go back and put these Steps into action. But just a day at a time. No more. I found I can’t risk projecting or going forward. Only to do today what it is I need to do. And to be grateful for all I have been given. To give thanks to my Higher Power and all these alcoholics in here, who help me each and everyday. So, I will say “Thanks”.