Today the group concentrated on the subject of fear. Being able to overcome fear, which everyone knew could lead us back to drinking alcohol again, unless we could learn how to deal with the fear emotions. Healthy fear? Or negative fear?
Almost everyone talked about the effects fear has had on our lives. Back when we were drinking alcohol and then when we entered this program. The truth is that the fears we had in our alcoholic lives came right through the doors with us. And this made us open to all kinds of irrational fear. I can never forget how it drove me into upsets of giant irrational thinking in here. For a while it held me back from wanting to listen to what I desperately needed. Fortunately those old timers back then had a good idea of what I was going through. That’s where my old sponsor took over and began to help me to open up to what was wrong with me.
There was nothing rational in the fears, which had hold of me. It was my sponsor who told me that I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I only thought I did and that’s what woke me up. Through his encouragement and directions to read the BB, actually study it, I began to listen to him and depend on him for what I needed. Didn’t happen overnight. But it started to give me faith in him and loyalty on my part. And,, of course, it was the start of a spiritual life in me.
Eventually I began to learn to pray and meditate. To begin to have faith and dependence on a Higher Power, despite the fact it was going to take time to grow in here. And to also continue to listen and learn what I needed to know and how to do it. And it was myself having to do this a day at a time. Beginning to slowly grow in faith, hope, and love. And to learn how to be grateful for what I was being given.
As I was starting to put these Steps into action, I also began to learn to listen to what I so desperately needed to hear. And that was how to deal with these so overwhelming fears. I had to start to learn about negative emotions and what I needed to do to stop them from running my life. I had to learn that it was very important for my mind, my intellect, to be in charge and not these irrational negative emotions.
This was the start of learning what those old timers called “I” over “E”; Intellect over Emotions, instead of the reverse. Negative emotions running our lives, like fear, anger, resentment, self pity,, hatred, irrational guilt and depression, and on and on.
My sponsor and those old timers finally helped me, after quite a while, to begin to do what the I over E was meant to accomplish/ Peace and happiness, instead of te wreckage of those negative emotions. To be able to go to meetings and stay sober a day at a time. To also able to do what those old timers did for me, to help me to stay sober by putting this I over E into their lives and escape the risk of being driven back into alcohol again. I am grateful for all the help I have been given by my Higher Power, the spiritual Steps and actions of this program, and the people, who helped me along the way.