I think from what I have heard and read that the most difficult thing is our surrender. I know that surrender to alcohol was not so much difficult for me. I hurt so badly from despair that it was so easy for me to hand my alcoholism over to my Higher Power. I can never forget that. Nor do I want to.
That’s why, when I’m talking to people, who seem to be new and coming from drinking that I encourage them to face the pain they’re in. Easy for alcoholics like me to give up one hundred percent. I know a lot like me, who went through what I did. Willing to do suicide and then being given hope. And then surrender. Thinking intellectually that we can give up alcohol often leads to drinking again. Or that the person is on edge, when not drinking. That’s why I always encourage the person trying to get sober to open up to pain within.
I always remember my old sponsor and other old timers, who helped me to put this program into action, pointing out to me that after that complete surrender in the First Step that we will be grateful for our sobriety and not do the rest of the Steps perfectly. Surrender is partial and probably will be the rest of our time in here. Yet we will be forced to surrender over and over again. Things will come up, which will make us do the next right thing. Again and again. They were right. I keep having to deal with things which keep popping up and making me willing to do what I need to do.
The other things I have found through talking to others like myself is having to deal with our egos. Our self centeredness which we are not always aware of. And then one day we will bump into ourselves. Not once, but again and again. And we begin to grow aware of how we need to deal with these things and continue to change. Like my sponsor and others pointed out to me, that I didn’t know that I didn’t know, I only thought I did. That mind of a true alcoholic.
Anyway I had to stop and think about this today. I talked to a few people, who made me aware of this once again. Makes me grateful. Like my sponsor told me that I would find myself stumbling over my problems, and having to pick myself up and ask for help. And that reminds me of why I am here. I’m here to stay sober a day at a time. This day. And I have to step back and be grateful for all I have been given.