When I think of humility, this alcoholic is reminded of what he learned a long time ago. For him and a whole lot of alcoholics it meant ego deflation in depth. That’s where those old timers would come in and cut us down to size. But after a while our egos were back in action again.
Ego deflation is so important for this alcoholic and a lot of those like me. I have to remember this, especially in dealing with others like myself. I have to get out of the way of my Higher Power and turn my will and my life over to Him, but also to those who help me to stay sober and this program. I need to get out of my own way to freely give to others what was freely given to me.
I always have to stop and remember what I learned a long time ago, after I came in. The first thing was that First Step. Although I didn’t know about the Program, since I was still out on my own, I was driven to totally surrender alcohol and drinking to my concept of God. I was on my way to suicide, because I knew nothing of the disease of alcoholism. Yet an alcoholic friend of mine had just learned about this program and he gave me hope, and I prayed and turned my life over to the God of my understanding that night.
Talk about ego deflation in depth, that was the beginning. But, after I came into the program a few days later, my ego inflated all over again. A lot of that came from my being overwhelmed with my paranoia. I was overwhelmed by thinking the people in this program were concentrating on me and talking about me. This was a form of the insanity alcohol had helped me to grow into. It took time to rid myself of this form of self centered pride.
Though those old timers often focused on cutting myself and other new comers down to size, I was to later learn, not only what the BB said about our not being saints, but human alcoholics. It was going to take time for me to learn the meaning of the Serenity Prayer. I also was given the opportunity of growing along this spiritual way of life we were offered in this program.
Anyway, I had to stop and think about our magnified egos, as alcoholics. I know I can start my day off with prayer and often meditations, and then find myself getting off base after that. That’s why I need to go to meetings and talk with others, like myself, who are also seeking the will of our Higher Power and not our own.
I need to remember how I am being helped to grow in here and being able to stay sober one day at a time. To be able to freely give what I have been freely given to others, especially new comers. To be truly grateful to my Higher Power for all I have been given, and to also be thankful for this program and all those in it, who have been loving and helpful to me.