Glancing through the 12&12 and the book As Bill Sees it, a couple of thoughts got my attention. Bill was talking about the subject of fear and what it often drives us to. He was talking about how fear generates more and more character defects within us, when we fail to get what we want and our fears grow. He called these fears termites which eat away at the foundations of the life we’re trying to build.
I can attest to those moments in my life early on in this program, when I was confronted with many of the failures he talked about. My fear I couldn’t get what I wanted.
But all that was because I had not changed enough. I was still struggling with these Steps. Often balking, but at the same time afraid they might not work.
However, time and perseverance, and a growing hope started to open my mind wider at the possibilities ahead of me. I often looked at the example of others, who were sober and were actually living these principles of the program. Faith, a belief, began to grow, as I continued to apply myself to the Steps.
I was thinking about this passage in my life in the program this evening. Especially after reading and being reminded.
What I especially liked were his words from the Grapevine, where he talked about the solution to these fears. As faith grows, so does inner security. And his concluding words are what I most recognize. The antidote to fear is a spiritual awakening.
As I sit here and think about the changes brought on by practicing these 12 Steps, I can almost remember when a number of these things came about. Just thinking of them gives me that sense of inner security he talked about.
Talking and listening to others, who are struggling, I can only hope that I was able to pass that hope along to them. That the change they’re seeking will come, as it did to Bill, and others, like myself, as a result of having had a spiritual awakening.
I am thinking of gratitude for being presented with a spiritual awakening. Gratitude to my higher power and all those men and women, who preceded me and who gave me the examples I needed. And my thanks to my old sponsor, who encouraged and guided me into the solution.