Something came up today at the meeting, which I had been thinking about this past week or more. And that was the word “balance”.
Balance was something I never had before coming here. I was up and down always. Sometimes just blah. Other times depressed. Always angry and filled with self pity. Fear. At other times I would experience way up emotions. And then down again. No middle ground for me.
Then I come to this program and find myself on an emotional roller coaster. Highs and lows and, again, no middle ground. That’s when my sponsor’s wife Fern talked to me about what I was experiencing. She told me not to get discouraged. That eventually I would achieve a balance, where I would be someplace in the middle and comfortable. The highs and lows would melt away. And she was right.
As a result of working and practicing the Steps of this program, along with following directions, I found that balance in my life. The spiritual awakenings changed me. I began to grow up emotionally. A sense of calm started to become the norm, as long as I kept my attention on why I was here and what I was doing to stay sober.
When the Promises in the 9th Step came true, it was then I realized what happened. I was at peace with myself. Like the BB said, I had stopped fighting everyone and everything. I felt that peace and serenity the book talked about. And for the most part, it’s been more and more true as time goes on.
Today I was tempted to stay home and watch the basketball tournament. Then a thought hit me, as I was praying. It wasn’t that I felt gratitude, but I knew it was up to me to express my gratitude for all that I have received. So, I made up my mind to go to the meeting, to express my experience, strength, and hope. To at least be in attendance as an example to the new man or woman. So that’s what I did. Balance.