When it comes to putting these Steps into action in my life today, I sometimes miss the mark. I understand that, if I want to stay sober, I’ll never be done with putting them into action in my life.
I was thinking about that this morning, when I awoke. Talk about difficult, this was it. I became aware, as I was opening my eyes, that I had this burning anger starting to grow within in me. Try as I might I continued to fail to quell this stuff. When I went to bed the night before, the seeds for this were relatively tiny. I admit I was miffed at something, which had occurred earlier, but I was able to blow it off. But there it was this morning and I found myself powerless to defuse it.
It wasn’t that I didn’t try the 10th Step and the spiritual axiom. I did. I even was aware that as disturbed as I was, it was me that was wrong at the moment. I did try prayer and asked for help from my higher power, but I think, being barely awake, that, if I made a connection, I wasn’t aware of it.
Now this is nothing that I ordinarily go through. After I was fully awake I was able to use the 10th to help me bring it back into proportion. But just the fact that it happened made me aware of what I had been told over and over again. That one time through the Steps was never what this program was about. It was something I needed to do each day.
Later, after the meeting today, I spoke with one of my friends, who has a lot of time in this program. He had been faced with the same kind of anger this morning. And, he, like myself had pretty much done the same process. The 10th. And like myself, he had determined not to put that anger into action. Nice to be able to do a 10th with someone in this program, who understands.
And that is pretty much what hit me. Understanding. That’s what I found in this program. Something that was new to this alcoholic, before I came in. Probably because I didn’t trust anyone and was hardly honest.
At the meeting today, where some celebrated their anniversaries, when they spoke and shared their stories of coming into sobriety and meeting the people in these rooms, that’s pretty much what they talked about. The support they got from the sober members and the understanding that these people gave them. And this is really what got me sober and sustained my sobriety.
Anyway, I was thinking about how much I owe the members in here for my sobriety. Them and my higher power. All I had to do today was look around the room at all these sober people and remember my sponsor and all those old timers, who opened their hearts and arms to me, when I walked through these doors and gave me what I desperately needed; understanding. No wonder I felt like I had come home for the first time in my life at my first meeting. I really had.